“This is just a phase.”

Such a bittersweet thought to me but it’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned in the last 11 months. From the newborn stage, to battling a stage of postpartum depression. From watching her learn to crawl, learning to feed herself, learning to stand on her own and every other stage in between.

It’s so interesting to me, how, when we are in the thick of it, it seems so enveloping. It seems like you’ll never reach the next phase. And in a way, you don’t want to… because you know it means another day has passed. Another day you will never get back with your sweet cuddly baby. A day you’ll never get back to make the memories, feel all of the feels, see the new and remember the old. It’s gone and you’re on to the next day, the next month, and before you know it, the next year.

You think to yourself,  “Damn, where did it go? Did I make her first year a happy one? Does she feel loved enough? Does she feel safe, secure and happy?” And then (almost likes she knows you’re doubting it all) she crawls over to you, she reaches for you, you pick her up and she cuddles in. You’re her safe haven. She knows she can count on you and it’s the best feeling in the world.

Then it reminds me of all the stages we’ve gone through and how the one constant through all of them have been exactly this. This sweet moment that happens every single day no matter how the day goes. She finds me, I pick her up, she lays her head on my chest and she listens to my heartbeat and knows that she’s home and she’s safe. We continue to find each other again and again because we are in this together through every single phase and that to me is the sweet nectar of motherhood.