Who Runs The World? Girls.

I was beyond ecstatic when I found out my husband and I were expecting a girl. I had always dreamed of having a little best friend who I could wear matching outfits with….Yes, I’m THAT mom. I couldn’t wait for her to be here so that we could raise her to be strong, independent, sound in her beliefs, and instill a sense of adventure in her.

Just as my excitement set in, the comments started. You know the type, the kind when a perfect stranger notices your growing baby bump and says “Oh how exciting! Do you know what you’re having?” You respond excitedly telling them you are expecting a Girl and you watch their face change. They usually start with an eye roll or a scoff and say “Oh just wait till she’s older? I loved my boys but my girls were soooo hard.” These kind of comments continued through my entire pregnancy and most of the time it was coming from a fellow female. Every single time I heard it I got that much more frustrated with it but I didn’t know how to deal with it or process it; until now that is.

So each time this happened it brought up a question in my mind. Why are we so damn hard on girls the moment they are conceived? From 20 weeks pregnant, I was presented with the idea that my daughter would be so hard to raise and if I ever have a boy he would be a dream. Do we really wonder why women are thought to be lightyears behind men in our society?

I get it, girls go through puberty and emotions run high.  But why do we turn our backs to these young girls during this time and act like they are out of this world crazy? We act like their emotions are an ugly scar that they need to cover up to keep the rest of us comfortable.  Think back to when you were younger and going through changes. Did you feel happy? Did you feel out of control? Did you feel confused? Most importantly, did you feel supported or did you feel alone because everyone thought you were “dramatic”?  The reality is that we turn our backs to our young women when they need us the most. The sad reality is that we ARE creating a bad scar that they try to cover up their entire lives.

If you are willing to tell anyone who will listen how hard it was to raise your daughter then why would you expect the rest of the world to give her grace? We live in a world where women struggle with gender equality, mom shaming, body shaming, birth story shaming, relationship shaming, success shaming, and countless other types of shame. Shame creates doubt and doubt is fuel for fear which stands in the way of every aspect of your life.  If we are raising our young women to fear having emotions then we are creating a world full of girls who go through the motions to people please and stay under the radar.

We need to stop talking about how hard our daughters were to raise and instead fully embrace our young women through this hard transitional phase. What you focus on expands, lets focus on the beautiful, smart, empowered young women that we want to put out into the world. Remember, Every flower must grow through dirt. At least thats how this girl mama sees it.

XOXO,

Rachel O’Connor